a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
