I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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