He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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