hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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