At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
