I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Randomize
