remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
