I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
