I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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