You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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