Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
