they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
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So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
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So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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