My girlfriend figured out who you are.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
