Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
