I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
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Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Shitshow foam night was such a success
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
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Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
