yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
