he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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