There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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