im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There r osticjed everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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