you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
