when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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