I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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