Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
