You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Pooping to opera.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
