I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
