mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
