whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
