After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
