Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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