apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
