you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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