Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
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Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
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No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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