Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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