Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize