tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
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He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
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That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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