Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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