my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
