he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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