I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i need some magic done to my vagina
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
