Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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