I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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