9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
