Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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