Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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