fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
How's work?
Spinning.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
