I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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