just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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