she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
