They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
