I'm pants shitting drunk right now
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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