Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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