I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
