I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
