the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize