I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Ketchup is God's man juice
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
