I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
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scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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