No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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