He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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