I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
