A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
