I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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