I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
