do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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