If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
